Abuse, Institutionalization, Mental Illness, Psychological Fiction, WiP Excerpts

Emmaline’s Story 14

Emmaline’s Story – On the Inside

Chapter 14

You Can’t Get There From Here

You Can't Get There

I postponed our meeting until after I’d met with Helen. It seemed an eternity until goon and B left for break and I was edgy. They suspected me of everything. I knew that. I also knew I was entirely guilty but they had it coming.

B and goon headed for the elevator just outside the front door. I presumed it went to a lunch room or eatery of some sort among other floors and places.

Helen must have been anxious too. When I entered the bathroom, she was already there. I pulled myself up on the ledge by the sink and she sat next to me.

“Ready,” I asked extending my finger.

Helen looked ecstatic and admitted, “I’m happy to finally feel like I’m a part of things. I’m officially one of you.”

My heart ached, “Oh, Helen,” I said, “You have always been one of us. Honest, I never meant to make you feel otherwise. We can’t do anything significant without you. If I asked to move you to our room, goon would see to it that you were moved further away.”

“No,” she confided, “You didn’t make me feel alienated, I just don’t get to share with you guys much since I’m not in your room. I’ve just been an insecure goof.”

“Hold on a sec,” I said, “You’re no goof and that’s my friend you’re putting down. It’s perfectly fine to feel insecure. No one here is exactly on solid ground,” I said, rolling my eyes at the absurdity, “Hell, that’s why we’re all here. I’m sorry, Helen.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault and besides,” she said, “tonight we rock the place!”

“Absolutely,” I laughed, and reached to hug her.

I extracted the makeshift tools from my hospital sock, explaining, “I collected utensils from meals and found a nice-sized rock to sharpen some and flatten others, “and these,” I said, holding out some pieces that were sturdier, “I melted together with a lighter I found buried by the fence.”

Helen took them from me turning them over to inspect them. “What, exactly, do you want me to do,” she inquired.

“If you can, I want you to rewire the elevator,” I smirked, “and I want it floating from floor to floor and bouncing around, stopping randomly but not on ground or at the break room. Can you do that?”

Helen didn’t answer right away and I could almost see the gears turning.

“Will these work,” I asked, eyeing the utensils.

“I think,” She said uncertainly, “I hope so. Let me try,” she replied more brightly.

“That’s all I ask,” I giggled wickedly.

“Oh, you are evil! Can you imagine how pissed goon will be?”

“Exactly,” I said, grinning mischievously, “but this also has to do with frustration and helplessness,” I explained.

I pulled the list from my elastic waistband and my other list; the list of what to say to Danica fell out. “Whoops!”

I fumbled grabbing the folded paper to stuff it back in my waistband, and then pulled a pencil from my sock.

“What’s that,” Helen asked.

“Later,” I said hurriedly, “No time right now.”

I made a mental note to shred the useless list into confetti and flush it, or eat it if I had to. Then I looked over my shoulder to check the door, “Meet ya back here at four,” I said hurriedly.

“Okay,” she agreed, sliding silently from our perch.

I took the utensils from her and stuffed them into her sock. We made the usual bathroom noises and, having arrived ahead of me, she left first. Returning to my room, I heard B and goon enter just as I clicked the door closed.

The girls were already forming a circle when I motioned frantically, jumped into bed and hauled the covers up. They followed suit and we waited in silence. Return rounds came and went.

Later I took a chance, tiptoed to Danica and touched her finger. She turned to face me and I leaned down explaining, “Tonight could take a while. If you want to talk later, get some rest now if you can.”

“Sounds good to me, sis,” she replied, stretching.

“You sure,” I asked, “There’s always tomorrow night.”

“Let’s try for tonight,” she said, “If I fall asleep, we will make tomorrow a given,” She smiled up at me.

“Great. That’ll work,” I told her.

“What are you and Helen going to do,” she inquired with a grin.

“Oh no,” I said in a hushed tone, “You’ll have to wait and see this time,” I chuckled, tiptoeing back to bed.

The front door clicked shut and B’s voice became a drone and then silence ensued. I cracked our door and checked the front desk. They were gone.

I looked back down the hall as Helen cracked her door and I motioned for her to come. She got a running start and skidded in her socks across the slick floor.  I smiled happily, knowing we were both terribly pleased she would finally be included.

“Before we do this,” I cautioned, “I cannot tell you how important it is that if you get as much as a feeling that someone might be coming; that we could get caught, or any uneasy feeling, I want you to drop what you’re doing and haul ass for the nearest hiding place, even if it’s an uncomfortable night sharing my cement slab.”

Helen’s face was absolute seriousness until she descended into a fit of the giggles. “I know,” she chortled, “The beds are conducive to doing penance or something, anything but sleep!”

I laughed with her until we reached the front doors. We both stopped and held our collective breath. I pushed and she pulled. We turned to each other and switched sides doing it again.

“Damn it all,” I hissed.

“Wait a sec,” Helen said, moving to reach toward the top on tiptoe.

“What are you looking for,” I asked.

“There should be,” she stopped mid-sentence and felt around higher than she could see. A moment later, I heard a loud click and spring. Then she finished, beaming proudly, “an emergency fire button!”

“Way to go, elevator gal!”

I pushed the door open with one hand and patted her on the back with the other. We scrambled for the elevator knowing time was getting short.

Helen hopped in and I followed. She pushed a button and the doors closed. She managed to remove the faceplate without too much trouble and, while watching her replace one wire with another, I was fascinated by how much she seemed to know innately.

No doubt about it, the girl is spectacularly smart, I thought while watching intently.

Helen pushed the faceplate back on explaining that she had rigged the elevator to stop at the break room once and never again. To me, that was code for, ‘The elevator will pick up B and goon to take them on a ridiculous ride until they get frustrated, and feel helpless enough, to exit on some other floor and walk.’ It was precisely what I wanted.

Helen had bought us precious minutes. Just as I was wondering if we should hide under the stairs for the night, she gave us just enough time to run for it. I made it to my room and watched as Helen shut her door just in time. Heaving a relieved sigh, I leapt into bed and listened.

B was voicing her frustration, “Wasn’t that weird,” she asked goon.

“No more weird than the other things the mice have been up to lately,” was Na’s disgruntled reply.

When the cats are away, the mice will play! I laughed to myself.

“Maybe it was just a fluke,” B said.

“Yea and I’m a monkey’s uncle,” goon returned.

Yep! I thought so!

Again, goon rounded on us immediately but found nothing she could pin on us. She left with an infuriated warning to me, “I’m watching you, missy! One step out of line, just one!”

Goon closed the door and I smirked silently, I don’t know Missy but I reckon she’d best watch her step!

We waited until B and goon’s voices were a soft buzz at the front desk before we moved into our circle. Danica was nearly ready to burst, “What the heck did you guys do,” she asked, peering at me with astonished eyes.

“Not me,” I said, “Helen! She’s a genius!”

Marie and Danica looked at each other and then Marie said, “I thought she fixed elevators?”

“Yeesss,” I drew the word out in a smug, self-satisfied voice.

“You didn’t! You couldn’t have possibly,” Danica began.

I cut her off, “No. I can’t, but Helen can!”

I wanted to make a big deal for Helen. I hadn’t realized just how left out she had been feeling, and tonight was an amazing coup d’état. I was so proud of her and wanted the girls to fuss over her.

Again, they looked at each other and Danica turned to me hissing, “Spill!”

It was my turn to combat a fit of hilarity, “Okay! Okay, here it is,” I took a moment to collect myself and explained what I’d asked Helen to attempt. All of us, even I, was stupefied that she pulled it off. “If this were the working world, Helen is Executive Management, and I was one step away from flipping burgers and asking ‘Would you like fries with that?’”

I explained how she had found the emergency lock and gave Danica and Marie enough of the story, omitting details, to know they would pry Helen for details.

“Holy cow,” Marie whispered her amazement, “If I ever have to be in a fight, I want you two on my side!”

“Likewise,” Danica laughed.

“Deal,” I said with a smile.

The following morning, breakfast was perfect for once.

“For how long,” Marie asked Helen, “The elevator is just bouncing around all over the place?”

“Kind of,” she smirked, “I rigged it to pick them up at the break room and then bounce around, stopping on any floor except the break room or ground.”

“So they bounced around until they had to exit on another floor and take the stairs,” Danica asked, her eyes filled with exuberance.

“Yep,” I chimed in with the intent of war games, “and it will continue to until they feel aggravated, frustrated, and helpless enough to call the repairman, or woman,” I smiled at Helen, and then turned away from the desk overlooking the long table, laughing and holding my stomach.

Helen seemed to walk taller after that. She was also more talkative and I was pleased that circumstances conspired to bring us closer. It was a happy day for us.

Under cover of night, I took out my list and crossed off frustration, aggravation,  and helplessness. The girls leaned in to see what I was doing.

“The big picture is,” I whispered holding up the list, “war games have a point.”

“Damn,” Marie giggled, “We’re good!”

“Damn straight,” I laughed softly.

“What’s next,” Danica inquired.

“Bed,” I said, stifling a yawn.

“No, I mean for goon and B!”

“Ummm, rest,” I dodged, avoiding the question for now, “Okay, off to bed. Even warring women need sleep.”

With that, we repaired to our beds. Danica and I moved our pillows back to the lower end and looped pinkies. We lay there in silence until I could hear Marie’s breathing deepen, and then I asked Danica, “Where did I leave off?”

“No good deed went unpunished and your unavailable brother,” she sighed.

I smiled to myself.

We both just want to be each other’s family and be happy, I thought, why can’t anything ever just be easy?

I decided to take her advice and just start anywhere, “I think, besides marrying at a young age, the folks couldn’t deal with losing their sacrificial lamb. I mean let’s face it; I was the one they could count on beating down on a constant basis. I don’t know, maybe that helped them feel better about their miserable lives. Then they had the audacity to ask me why I had such low self-esteem.”

“Good grief, Em’, when the mailman delivers, does your address just say ‘Hell,’” she asked, sympathizing with me.

“Pretty much, yea,” I said, with absolutely sincerity.

“It’s been pretty repetitive for most of my life. It’s like an avalanche; nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and impossible to stop.”

“This happened every day,” she asked.

“Yes. It was more heaped on top of more, and more, and more. I couldn’t take one more word. I swear to God, Danica, I’d rather die, so I did the math and that was the best answer for everybody in my world.”

“Wow, so they finally broke you,” she said, pondering my circumstances, “Ever since you can remember?”

“For as long as I’ve been alive,” I admitted. This is not to imply that I actually lived. I died steadily, little by little, every day. I just wanted, no needed, to put myself out of their misery and mine.”

“Holy hell, Em’! You can’t go back there! You’re not insane but they sure are.”

“I know,” I said, breaking down for the first time, “I don’t know what to do,” I admitted with tears stinging my eyes.

Danica held my hand tightly and offered, “I don’t know how yet, but we’re going to be fine. We’ll figure it out together.”

She sat for a moment, gripping my pinky tightly, each of us lost in our own thoughts, until she murmured, “We’re a real pair. You’re the sacrificial lamb tied to the whipping post and I’m the invisible daughter.”

“Exactly,” I agreed, sobbing and trying to haul myself together again. We should think about getting an apartment together,” she said, glancing toward the door.

We both moved our pillows back and Danica tucked me in like a child. I wiped my tears and whispered my thanks as she left me with words to ponder. We had almost opposite lives. How the hell did we wind up in the same place?



By Wildfire8470









© June 14, 2015 – 04:09 AM
Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected  JBPJ-G2PL-1FZR-4EGU








Posted with special thanks to a cousin who did this in college, due to water balloon wars, and paid harshly for it. You rock, cuz!









Abuse, Emmaline's Story, Institutionalization, Mental Illness, Psychological Fiction

Emmaline’s Story 10

Emmaline’s Story – On the Inside

Chapter 10

Danica’s Choice


Copyright 2006-2014 Trashcn from DeviantArt

I woke that morning feeling nervous and edgy. After morning rounds I tried to fall asleep again but failed. Eventually I sat up, propped my pillows against the wall and turned my attention to Danica.

For a few minutes, I watched her sleep. She tossed, turned, and mumbled in her sleep. I wondered if she was having a nightmare and considered waking her but as soon as I moved, she seemed to settle and fall into a deeper sleep. I sat back deciding to leave her alone.

I guess any rest is better than none.

I reached into my pillowcase and extracted a fresh writing tablet to make some notes about how I came to be desperate enough to attempt suicide.

I just couldn’t figure out how I would explain it to Danica, but perhaps the list would help.  Again, I glanced at her, wondering if she was strong enough to handle my depression and her own.

I thought of the night she came to collect me at the scene of my undoing, when my conscience chimed in,

Danica is stronger than you think. Don’t wimp out on her!

Taking pencil in hand, I realized that even I didn’t have a clear thought of how my suicide attempt and incarceration happened. I skipped back a year, to when I was on top of the world. From there, I made some basic notes, outlining my undoing:

  • I was born into slavery;  a lamb tied to a whipping post.
  • First, middle, and last one family denigrates.
  • Had no childhood
  • My life equals free labor. No more. No less.
  • Family drove a wedge between me and anyone who wished to be in my life.
  • Tried to break free from whipping post.
  • Family abandoned me.
  • Sank into despair.
  • No one to turn to.
  • Lost myself.
  • Reasons to live:  Zero.

I sat staring at the list with tears in my eyes. It was an extremely bare-bones list, but I relived emotions I never wanted to feel again. Part of me wanted to shred it into tiny pieces and eat it, so no one would ever find me out. Instead, I swallowed my tears, folded the paper and tucked it into my elastic waistband.

At seven a.m. I repaired to my seat on the porch and skipped breakfast. I couldn’t figure out exactly why I was angry. I just knew I was antsy, anxious, and filled with venom. I was crosser than a hornet so I stomped inside, grabbed a tray from the cart, and dumped the entire thing into the waste basket, tray included. I walked stiffly to the table with B calling after me,

“Emmaline! Emmaline!”

I didn’t bother to turn around or even look back. I wasn’t surprised to hear psych guy calling me a moment later,

“Emma! Hippolyta! Whoever you are today! My office in one hour!”

Danica sat wide-eyed and stunned with spork poised over her plate,

“Wow! Who peed on his Cheerios,” she asked.

“I did,” I ground out as softly as I could manage.

“What the heck did you do,” she asked, astounded.

“Nothing compared to what I want to do,” I replied without looking at her.

She let it drop and I went back outside with Danica on my heels. She stood before me, as though studying me, like she was trying to read me. Then she grinned and said,

“It’s weird. Right?”

I couldn’t squelch a tiny smile. It still seemed foreign to me, that I drew so much comfort from being in the presence of a real friend. I suppose, I was still waiting for her to abandon me just as my family had. Maybe I’d even thought I could drive her away, since it was bound to happen eventually.

“So,” she scowled, “Psych guy right after breakfast… or lack of it? What an ugly appetizer.”

“Yea, no kidding,” I said, letting go a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

Danica sat down next to me, “Maybe you should actually talk to him.”

“Hmmm,” I bought some time to think it over.

“Maybe, just think about it,” she asked.

I replied stubbornly, “Don’t think so. I’ve almost got him right where I want him.”

“But Em’,” she whispered, “Where, exactly, do you want him? He may be our only way out.”

“To where,” I asked pitiably, “Maybe you and the girls should. I’ve got nothing left. There isn’t anything to go back to.”

“How do you know,” she asked cautiously, “You won’t see anyone. How do you know they haven’t changed their minds?”

A derisive grunt escaped me that I wished I could suck back in. Danica’s face was crestfallen. I held my fingers out in a loop. She looped her own through mine, and in barely a whisper, I said, “I’ll think about it.”

Danica grabbed my hand and squeezed, “My fingers are crossed for you, sis.”

I squeezed back and smiled, “Okay sis, it’s time for psych guy. Who should I be today?

You pick a god or goddess that has some meaning for you,”

“Ummm,” she hummed for a minute, thinking it over.

I waited, perfectly willing to keep psych guy in suspense.

“Can you be Nyx,” she queried shyly.

“For you, sis, anything,” I replied, getting up from the table.

“Good luck,” she mouthed as I started to turn away.

“Thanks,” I mouthed back, not wanting to admit that I would probably need it.

I approached psych guy’s office with Danica’s confession ringing in my ears, “He may be our only way out.”

I thought about the big picture for the first time,

Even if there’s nothing left for me, my girls may have a lot to go back to.

When I arrived, I stood in the doorway. Psych guy was drumming his fingers on the desk and looking at his watch. All other thought ceased and I was immediately on the defense.

It’s not like I have a watch or even a clock, idiot!

“Come in,” he said, raking his fingers through his tousled hair.

It was obvious he’d had a rough morning and I wasn’t feeling particularly merciful.

This is for Danica, I told myself.

“So,” he began, rifling through his notes, “Hippolyta, how are you today?”

“Hippolyta,” I asked.

Psych guy sucked in a deep breath and leaned back in his chair,

“You are a conundrum,” he stated, sounding as weary as he looked.

I sat straight-faced, expressionless, as though I could have cared less what he thought or felt. He sat with fingers laced behind his head, staring at me. I stared back blankly. Eventually he broke and I chalked up a mental point for us.

Three, zip!

“Okay, out with it! Who are you today, Emmaline?”

“Emmaline,” I queried, “Why do you pretend not to know me?”

His eyes narrowed drilling into mine and he responded,

“I know you, Emmaline. I’ve known dozens, no hundreds,” he corrected, “like you.”

I slapped on a confounded expression and asked again, “Emmaline?”

“Okay,” he said with exasperation, “Have it your way. It’s the hard way, but go ahead! Be my guest! Who are you today?”

I donned an exceedingly calm demeanor while my stomach pitched, and softly replied,

“I am the Goddess Nyx, daughter of Chaos, sister of Erebus. I am mother of Hypnos and Aether, Hemera, Moros, Thánatos,”

Psych guy cut me off, “I see. How old are you,” he paused and glanced through his notes, “Nyx?”

“Older than time,” I responded.

He shot back a challenge, “Okay Nyx, tell me about yourself.”

Softly, I explained, “I just did.”

What is your purpose here on earth,” he inquired.

“I have lived in the shadows since the creation. My power is unyielding. I am mother of day, brightness, night, sleep and death. Have you had a falling out with my son,” I asked trying for a mother’s concern, “Did you quarrel with Hypnos?”

It was barely perceptible, but I heard him grumble into his hand, “You could say that.”

He sat up straight again, urging, “Continue.”

“My family is quite large,” I began again when he caught me off-guard,

“How do you feel about being the daughter of Chaos?”

“I am daughter of the beginning, the creation; the void taking form,” I explained with a calmness I didn’t feel, “I watched the birth of creation.”

“No way,” he stated flatly, “You’re wrong,” he necessitated trying to equal my calm and goading me in the same breath.

“Oh,” I inquired, “How so?”

“You were born of a void, a vast glob of nothingness,” he replied almost cruelly, leveling his gaze at me.

I attempted to appear thoughtful, as though pondering his words deeply, “I suppose it would appear so, to a mere mortal,” I hurled the insult directly slapping his face.

“Let me ask you this,” he issued without pause for reply, “Are you proud of your life, of what has become of you? Have you been happy living in the shadows with unyielding power? Are you proud of your children? I think, even you have to admit that nearly half your offspring are necessary evils, and nothing more,” he stated with disdain.

I remembered seeing a photo of “the Thinker;” a statue I’d come across in the encyclopedia, and immediately immitated the pose, with my hand under my chin, giving the appearance of profound consideration.

In truth, I did think about his words, in a more personal context than I cared for, but would bite my tongue off before I’d give up the charade I’d promised Danica.

After several more moments, psych guy was forced to relent, “Our time is up for today, Nyx. Try not to change. I want answers to those questions tomorrow, at eleven a.m. sharp.”

I left his office, closed the door behind me, and cursed him hatefully under my breath,

I’ll outlast you, Mr. Prescription Pad! I can and I will! You think you’re smart enough to trip me up, but you’re not!  Go ahead! Bring it! 

I stood there, just outside his office, irate and fuming. For the first time, I wasn’t thinking of who was watching my expression, or what Na and B would make of it.

I was thinking of dousing psych guy in kerosene and flicking a BiC, or shoving him down an empty elevator shaft, or pushing him into a busy highway, when one of the lost girls passed by. She let herself into his office, interrupting my homicidal thoughts.

I was astonished at her appearance. There was life in her eyes. She was dressed, groomed, and even acknowledged my presence with a nod.

Unreal! No freakin’ way!  She’s a body-double!  She has to be!

With stupefied admiration, I returned to the porch and found my girls there. I talked for a while and then touched Danica’s finger to mine. She returned the signal.

I couldn’t resist asking, “Has anyone seen the lost girls lately?”

I’d forgotten that I had only spoken to Danica about them. My girls looked around with confused faces while I shoved my brain into reverse, and fudged,“Ummm, I mean the patients here that are, or were, drugged zombies. Have you seen any of them?”

Helen chimed in, “I think I know who you mean. I saw a few of them when I was waiting to be admitted.”

“That’s them,” I said.

“I’ve only seen one of them,” she confided, “I hardly recognized her!”

“Me too,” I said, lowering my voice, “I can’t believe my eyes! I thought there was no hope for them, but look at the girl who comes out of psych guy’s office!”

Helen and Marie exchanged glances smiling, “We will!”

“It’s incredible,” I informed them, “You won’t believe it! You just won’t. It’s enough to make you think twice.”

“I hear that,” Danica replied, “I saw one of them in the shower this morning. She wasn’t just standing in the water like usual. She was washing with soap and shampoo.”

“Exactly. It has to be some sort of miracle.”

“Yea, right,” Danica backed me up.

I wanted the girls to have time to talk among themselves, without my presence, so I took my leave, “I’m going to walk in the sun for a little while,” I stated nonchalantly and made for the lawn at the edge of the porch.

Wandering outside again was freeing in a way and terrifying in another. I inhaled great gulps of air wishing I could bring it inside with me. Finally, I raised my eyes to scout the grounds for a quiet place.

The fence with coiled razor wire loomed in the distance like a personal tormentor; a veritable bully. I squared my shoulders and walked directly to the scene of where I had crumbled. Suddenly, I knew why I’d chosen that place to begin with.

So I wasn’t entirely mad, bonkers, and out of my ever-loving mind!

I rejoiced mentally. It was a good distance away from the porch and partially hidden from view, down over the hill.

I chose this spot for a reason! I chose it! I’m not beyond help! I’m really not!

Danica crested the hill to see me jumping with renewed joy, vim and vigor. In my reverie, I hadn’t noticed her. She stood on the hill watching me bounce up, down and around, yelling, “Yay me! Yay me! Whooo hoo hoo hooey!”

She ran down the hill, closing the distance between us quickly,

“Yay me! Whoo hooey! Yay meee!

“What,” she asked excitedly, “Did you get your walking papers? Did they drug you? Are you spaced out? What happened? Spill!”

I grabbed Danica and hugged her, “I’m not out of my mind! I’m not insane! I’m not! I’m not! I’m not! Whoo hooo!”

“I know?” She said it like a question; half certain I’d finally lost my mind completely.

“No! No,” I said happily, “I just realized that the night I came unglued, right here in this spot, it wasn’t the last straw! I haven’t lost me! I was just misplaced for a while.”

“You thought you had disappeared and insanity took over?”

“Exactly! No wonder we’re sisters! We think alike! Yahooey!”

This time she hugged me and we both sat down as she whispered,  “Congratulations, Em’. I’m so happy for you.”

It was the gloomiest congratulations I’d ever heard. I turned to face her and took her hands in mine, “What’s wrong, Danica?”

“Nothing,” she sighed.

“Hey sis, this is me you’re talking to. I’m acquainted with nothing and your expression isn’t it,” I said gently.

“You’re getting well. That’s a good thing.”


“You’re getting well without me. That’s a not so good thing.”

Tears were brimming in her eyes and I pulled her to me, “Let’s make a pact right now. Neither of us leaves without the other. Okay?”

She was sobbing in my embrace.

“Okay, but, but how… What? How can you promise that?”

I lifted her chin until her teary eyes met mine, “Danica, you’ve seen me in action. I can be nuts with the best of ‘em. You don’t really think I would abandon you. Do you?”

She smiled softly and I helped wipe her tears away.

“You really mean it,” she asked hesitantly.

I made a circle with my fingers and held it out to her. She started to reach and pulled her hand back. I didn’t waver. I kept our sisters circle held out. With her eyes fixed on the ground, she finally looped her finger through mine.

“Look at me,” I insisted gently.

With our fingers still looped, she raised her eyes to mine.

“This is our sisters’ blood oath. We stay for each other. No matter which of us gets her walking papers first, we wait for the other. Agreed,” I asked unlooping our fingers and changing to a pinky swear.

Danica hooked her pinky with mine, saying, “Agreed,” with a genuine smile this time.

We both pulled our fingers against each other’s hard and collapsed into a relieved hug.

It’s after sunset, I stood and said, “C’mon. Let’s go inside. It’s getting dark.”

“Oh wait,” she cried, pulling me back down, “What happened with psych guy? Were you Nyx?”

“I wasn’t just Nyx,” I laughed, “I was Nyx to the hilt! Now I need to pick your brain! C’mon. Up and inside! Lights out soon.”

By Wildfire8470







© May 07, 2015 – 05:25 AM
Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected BIUR-KDQV-KAFT-XXVG

Abuse, Emmaline's Story, Institutionalization, Mental Illness, Psychological Fiction, Teenage Girls

Emmaline’s Story 9

Two – Zip



I sat cross-legged on the floor with my back against the bed, facing Danica. The week seemed to drag on an interminable length of time. I hadn’t considered the waiting aspect of war games, nor had I considered the wrench in the crazy parfait. He was going to be trouble with a capital T.

Our plans weren’t impossible, but psych guy’s presence made it a lot more work than I’d originally anticipated. I combed my hair back with my fingers and heaved a sigh.

“You okay,” Danica asked.

“Yea,” I issued crossly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I suck at waiting,” I confessed.

“Yea,” Danica laughed softly, “I got that.”

“And psych guy,” I continued, “We just had to get one who is well-versed in the Hellenistic period,” I rolled my eyes with contempt.

“How about a sex change,” she grinned.


“Don’t be a queen next time. Be a God or something,” She suggested.

“Ya know,” I laughed heartily, “maybe I could keep him guessing; like hop around to different time periods and personas!”

As soon as I thought it through further, it occurred to me, That could lead to a permanent stay here and not just for me! I didn’t have the heart to voice it.

“There you go,” she said with smile, “but what are you going to do to blow off steam right now?”

“Well, let me think.”

Once again, the wheels were turning. There were small things I could pull off alone. Danica fell silent as she watched me thinking. Several minutes later, I was drawing on my knowledge of websites when Danica could stand no more, “Spill!”

“It’s just a little thing,” I explained, “but this one is on me.”

“Okay,” she said anxiously, “Spill! What are you going to do?”

“I know how to set the screensaver to scrolling marquee and download the Chiller font,” I explained.

We lifted our water cups and made a toast to the resurrection of “Operation Any Little Annoyance.”

“If I get caught,” I began.

“No” Danica interjected, “You can’t! You won’t!”

“I know,” I consoled her, “but if the worst happens, it’s just me acting alone. Nobody else goes down with me. Understand?”

Danica’s face fell. With her eyes to the floor she shook her head saying, “But we’re sisters, all for one and one for all.”

“Of course,” I argued, “but if it happens, I need you guys to finish what we started,” I lied, hoping she would buy it.

Training her eyes on mine, Danica saw right through me, “I think we should concentrate on getting you out of whatever hot water you’re in,” she replied defiantly.

“Okay, okay! I give,” I laughed.

We both knew I would protect our group with my life but, right now, I wasn’t going to take chances that involved any one of the girls.

I needed to lighten up the gloom that had descended upon us so I stared deeply into her eyes for several minutes, as though meaning to say something profound, and then broke into a wide grin,

“Its weird right,” I said, feeding her own words back to her.

“Oh, It’s weird alright, ” she laughed, “Oh so weird!”

I stood and reached for her hand to help her up,

“Darned straight and it’s about to get more weird,” I giggled softly.

We made our way through the community room and out to the porch and found our usual seat, atop the table furthest from the door. I waited while Danica stared into the distance. It wasn’t hard to tell that her thoughts were far from here tonight.

I sat watching her for a moment. There was a pain on her face I’d never seen before or perhaps didn’t notice, in my effort to keep from tumbling headlong in that direction myself.

We sat in silence while I watched emotions flash in her eyes and suddenly she looked like a woman in her thirties. She was my first friend here, the first one who was willing to be an open book, as well as guide me through my first days in this hellhole, but I hadn’t noticed.

Watching her now, staring off into the night, I realized that life had been terribly unkind to Danica. I was absolutely grief-stricken. Now, I realized that she had depths of unbearable pain that she didn’t want to talk about, but she was willing to with me. I felt really ashamed of having snapped at her on my first morning inside.

I adjusted my position to sit next to her, throwing my arm around her shoulder as she had done for me that night by the fence, wondering, How can a girl who comes from so much harsh reality still be such a caring and kind friend? What had happened to her that made her want to die? Who or what had near-fatally wounded my best friend?

We sat together for a long time not saying a word, yet conveyed so many things. We stayed lost in our thoughts until the call came for lights out. I cupped my hands around Danica’s ear and whispered, “Okay, ask me tomorrow night.”

I expected her confusion but all facades had been dropped somewhere in these last few hours.

“Okay,” She agreed.

Goon stood waiting, watching our exchange while holding the door. She looked suspicious and slightly miffed but neither of us cared. Something extremely important had changed tonight, and neither Danica nor I would ever turn back.

At two a.m. break, I made sure everyone was sleeping, and padded in my butt-ugly turquoise socks, to the main computer at the head of the community room. I downloaded the Chiller Font, set the marquee to scroll immediately and typed,


As I strolled back to bed, I sliced the air with my finger whispering to myself,

“And the score is: Us – two. Them – zip!”


By Wildfire8470







© Copyright 5/7/2015 5:25 AM – All Rights Reserved
Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected BIUR-KDQV-KAFT-XXVG


Emmaline's Story, Institutionalization, Mental Illness, Psychological Fiction, Teenage Girls, WiP Excerpts

Emmaline’s Story 8

Crazy Parfait With A Wrench




By the time I returned from the bathroom, Danica and Marie had remade the beds, mine included. B and goon had returned to their posts and we gathered for a group hug. I thanked them for taking care of the mess goon had made of mine. For a change, we all settled in with grins on our faces and slept straight through until rounds.

It had been quite a night and I knew that goon and B would be scrutinizing every move I made. The trick was to outlast them; to wait until they no longer suspected that I was up to something, and then attack when they were no longer expecting it.

I was the last one to the breakfast table and the girls smiled up at me. We talked amicably over lukewarm French toast while watching Helen try not to gag on sugarless syrup.

She explained,

“I’ve been diabetic for a long time, but could never get used to sugarless food.”

I winced visibly and offered her my condolences,

“It’s bad enough to have to tolerate this shit hole with barely edible food. If I was you, I wouldn’t make it,” I said, peering at my breakfast with revulsion.

Helen grinned, stabbing a square with her fork as a man entered the community room. We looked to each other and shrugged. None of us had seen him before.

He stopped next to big B and called for Marie. I watched the stranger intently as Marie approached him. He spoke to her briefly but her face was ashen upon her return.

“Who was that,” I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

“In-house psych guy,” she said nervously.

“What did he want,” I queried further.

“Twelve-thirty meeting – the inner sanctum,” she replied.

I sat back from my rubbery French Toast and pondered her answer.

In-house Psychiatrist? What the hell am I going to do about this? I need a distraction; a diversion that will pull his focus away from the four of us. Apparently goon and big B called in the all-seeing, all-knowing eye last night. Well, I guess he’ll have to eat crazy parfait too.

I just knew this would throw a wrench into the works, so I cautioned the girls, whispering, “If he prescribes anything for you, pretend to accept it but don’t take anything!”

They nodded their agreement.

I leaned forward and touched everyone’s fingers to mine indicating that we meet tonight.

Psych guy returned a moment later and called my name as he scanned the room.

“Emmaline Mason,” he said loudly, “Emmaline?”

Without as much as turning around or a glance up, I raised my hand and answered stiffly, “Present!”

“In my office at one-thirty,” He ordered stiffly.

I leapt from my seat into full salute, standing at attention in mock-soldier style, I shot back, “Yes, sir!”

He shot a wry grin at me replying, “At ease, soldier.”

In that moment of exchange, I wanted to convey to him, I’m going to make your job as miserable as I possibly can, you talking head!

In the next, he conveyed, Bring it! It’s on!

I knew I had my work cut out for me. In truth, I was worried our plans would be shot to hell, but I also knew my sisters wouldn’t give me up. I picked up my tray and dumped my rubber toast in the garbage to goon’s dismay,

“That’s all,” she asked, as she check-marked a list of foods I’d declined to eat.

“Yep,” I replied with disdain, “Rubber disagrees with my digestion.”

I left goon sputtering and stepped outside, moving to the furthest table; the one where I had recruited Marie, I sat waiting pensively.

Marie emerged from psych guy’s office and made her way around the long table to join me. Before I could say a word, she whispered, “Name, rank, serial number and dog-tags, mother’s maiden name, father’s middle name, bank account numbers and what will your epitaph say?”

I turned stricken eyes to her and she smiled, snickering under her breath,

“The expected nuisances, nothing more.”

I was relieved to find he hadn’t asked about war games and sighed heavily.

I headed toward the inner sanctum with trepidation and rebellious angst. I approached the office, stopped, and glanced inside.

“Psych guy noted my presence and said, “Good afternoon. Emmaline?”

I took a seat in a chair that had cushions. Already, I knew I would probably be coming here a lot. At the very least, I wanted to be comfortable while psych guy busied himself with prying questions and attempted diagnoses.

“So Emmaline,” he began.

“Emmaline,” I asked, cutting him off sharply.

“You are Emmaline Mason. Correct?”

“No,” I said straight-faced.

“No? Well, who are you,” he asked.

“I am Hippolyta, Amazonian Queen,” I said with gusto, while adopting a more regal posture.

“Well hello, Hippolyta,” he rallied enthusiastically, “You’ve come a long way. It’s good of you to join me. I am honored to have you in my office today!”

I know what you’re doing asshole, and it won’t work!

I sat silently, leaving the first move up to him. He smiled politely across the desk pretending to believe me. I diverted my eyes to focus on the wall just past his right ear as we sized each other up.

I realized he was wondering how long it would take to break me, and both of us knew I would try to break out of here before I’d let that happen.

I’ve got more stamina than you do Mr. Wrench with a Prescription pad!

“So where’s your magic girdle,” he inquired with feigned innocence.

I turned to bore holes through his forehead, saying, “Plebeians confiscated it. I will see it returned or my father will destroy them,” and screwed my face into a look of disgust.

“Ohhhh… your father,” he said, already forming his next question, “Who is he?”

“You do not know Ares, the god of war,” I asked indignantly.

“Oh yes, of course, Ares. God of war… and he’s your dad,” he shot the question back semi-conspiratorially.

“Enough,” I shouted with my arm extended with a hand up to block his face, “I will hear no more of your placating nonsense. All the land knows of my father!”

“You’re right,” he said, stifling a yawn, “So how is old pop these days?”

“He is presently in route to storm the gates, kill the plebeians, and return the girdle that signifies my authority as queen,” I said, in a tone of underlying threat.

“I see,” he said flatly, “and he’s coming from?”

I rolled my eyes and spat, “Dolt! He comes from Mount Olympus and will arrive in a fortnight! Father will stop at nothing to indemnify my honor!”

Psych guy groaned softly, raking his fingers through his hair, “Okay, Emmaline, ahem, I mean Hippolyta, our time is up today. I want to see you again tomorrow.”

“Not if father gets here first,” I countered.

“Well yes, of course,” he replied, “I’d hate to interrupt a war for the queen’s honor but, barring that, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I opened the door to go and psych guy said softly, “Good day, Emmaline.”

I ignored him and made a beeline for the restroom. Having caught Marie’s eye, she entered just behind me.

“So,” she questioned, “What did you talk about?”

I couldn’t suppress a wicked smile and simply said, “We had a little talk about Greek mythology.”

“Huh?” Marie looked entirely confused but relieved as well, though she had spread the word to Danica and Helen in case I needed help. All of us were exhausted from waiting and worrying.

“It’s fine. It’s okay. I’m leading him a merry chase down the primrose path and all ‘round Robin Hood’s barn,” I giggled.

When lights out finally arrived, we gathered long enough for me to explain that it’s best to lay low and not try anything until we figure out why psych guy had suddenly arrived on the scene, and to give goon and big B time to forget the preceding night.
By Wildfire8470
© May 07, 2015 – 05:25 AM – All Rights Reserved
Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected  BIUR-KDQV-KAFT-XXVG